Repeat. Of how I felt years ago. Oh I worry. Of you. More of me. The thought of not having you here…to call every morning. To seek advice. I tremble at the thought. You call so often now, as if you know how hard it is for me to talk to you. At least, when you’re frozen in time like..this. This man. This man I talk to way too loud. This man I explain myself to more times than necessary. I think I won’t be okay this time. I need you here. Not the flesh. Not the meat suit that wears your clothes. No, for he is not you. My, ..my. I can not find the words I need. I need you. Where do I go without the yang to my ying? Without my guardian? Without,. my Father? I try my best to ignore your calls. To ignore this situation as it sits. I do not seek attention, but rather a distraction. From where I sit now. In life that is. For a life without you is not one I want to imagine. And you thought I didn’t need the anxiety medicine. Pshh, I need it more now than ever. I need you to know how much you have made me the person I am today. I would not be here without you. I am lost, still, now. Waiting for you to come back to me. I know you’re in there somewhere. You have to be. Because if you are not, I am already gone.